I need to write better ads for an Owner.

Now, maybe THESE are the ads (all REAL) that i should be putting in the personals:


Tired of feeling patronized by these ads? Then I'm  not the woman for you little man. Today you may be benighted and insignifigant, tomorrow you will be more so. now off with you.. Box XXX


Blah Blah Blah whatever. Indifferent woman. Go ahead and write. Box XXX


You should know that by placing this ad I've lowered my expectations considerably.  Now even you're in with a chance. Don't blow it by mentioning your mother and your predilictions for army types. Woman, 46, accustomed to dissappointment, but not this much. Box XXX



Meet the new me. Like the old me only less nice after three ads without any sexual intercourse. 42 year old fruitcake. Box XXX



Toilet Duties. that's where you come in-buxom, 22 year old blonde stereotype not shy of adjusting the surgical stocking of 73- year old misanthrope with poor bladder control. Failing that, just send care home brochures. Box XXX


I wonder if Clive James reads these. And if he is, would he find me attractive enough to write to? Hope not, I'm after early twnties stud muffin capable of obscene bedroom gymnastics. Woman, 74, living in perpetual hope (and a care home in Pendle) WLTM nearest thing in a Easy Up Chair equipped bungalow. Box XXX

Congradulations! You are the thousandth reader to pass by this ad. Your reward is to pay for dinner and listen to me bitch about my collegues until the bars close. And no, you don't get sex.
Ever. Ever,ever,ever.  Sensitive F, 42, Box  XXX

These and 40,000 more... here.

We Deserve A Break from McDonalds

This is copied from my site "WE Deserve a Break Today", in case the corporation decides to go nuculear and attack rather than admit they got some crappy stores.

Dear McDonalds:

I have been a customer my whole life, and have watched a lot of changes happen in the way the corporation handles the business end of making and selling hamburgers to Americans.


Lately, I have run into some problems, and wanted to share them with you.
You do NOT have a very 'user friendly" system for registering complaints, and those that you do get seem to fall on deaf ears, so I thought I would bring them here.

Today, I went to get a Mighty Kids Meal for my son.
He hates cheese on his burgers, and so I ordered a Mighty Kids Hamburger meal, Sprite, Boy Toy.


Simple hu?
OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO.
They don't understand that at ANY of my local McDonalds, since they, like ALL your stores, are FRANCHISES run by mental midgets.
At MY McDonalds, I get the voice asking me if I want "A drink with that Happy Meal?".

Me: "That's not a happy meal. I want the mighty kids meal hamburger"
Voice: "That's a happy meal."
Me: "No, a happy meal has one patty of meat and a mighty kids meal has two".
Voice: "Oh, You want the mighty kids cheeseburger, what will you have to drink with that?"
Me: "NO! MY SON HATES CHEESE. I want that as a double hamburger".
Voice: "Yes, I can get you a double cheeseburger meal. Did You want to supersize that?"
Me: "I want that as a kids meal".
Voice: "The happy meal. Do you want a boy toy?"
Me: " The Mighty Kids Meal!!!!"
Voice: " That only comes as cheeseburger or chicken nuggets".

Now at this point I am tempted to order the Mighty Kids nugget meal without cheese and two patties just to see if their heads explode. MINE already HAS.
I go through this for SEVERAL more rounds, and eventually get through (so I think) and drive forward.

I get to the window, and get handed several bags (we had 3 orders total, the other 2 were simple as well, but did not require a map and shiny arrows). I open the bags, and we have our 2 burgers correct. There is a 3d bag with 2 burritos we did not order, which I pull to the side to give back in a moment. Then, there is the bag with the Mighty Kids Meal.
It has a single hamburger patty.

Foolishly, I think in my head "OK, Give this back to them, tell them they have made a mistake and that you want the right burger".
I do that. The hispanic store manager at the window looks at it and says "Yes, that's a hamburger".
Me: "Yes, it is. I ordered the Mighty Kids meal, not the happy meal."
Manager: "No, you ordered the happy meal".
Me: "No, I want TWO hamburger patties".
Manager: "That's a double hamburger not a happy meal".
Me: "I wanted a Mighty kids meal".
Manager: "You did not order that, you ordered a happy meal".
Me: "No I did not".
Manager looks at the receipt and points out the print.
Manager: "You ordered a happy meal".
Me: "No, I ordered a Mighty kids meal hamburger. What's the difference"- thinking that since it showed I PAID for a Happy meal that I will owe them money for the Mighty Kids Meal when I eventually get the double hamburger.
The manager does not understand this, as his English is not very good.
Manager: "The difference is that one has just one patty".
Me: "No, what's the difference so I can pay you" (holding out small change in my hand to the window).
Manager: "You ordered the happy meal, and it doesn't have the double hamburger. The Mighty kids meal is a double cheeseburger".
Me: (Now angry enough that I am ready to do something unladylike) "I WANTED A DOUBLE HAMBURGER MIGHTY KIDS MEAL - DON'T YOU IDIOTS SELL THAT ANYMORE?"
Manager: Hands me a double hamburger saying "We sell hamburgers and double cheeseburgers".
Me, taking the double hamburger, notices that we still have the single in the car.
Manager: "That costs another 48 cents".
Me: "Here's the difference in what I paid. Thank you".

I then took the item I WANTED, the item they gave me that I didn't want, and the bag with the 2 burritos and drove off.
Mad again.

HOW IN THE HELL CAN THEY OPERATE A BUSINESS THAT WAY????
Aren't you, the corporation, embarrassed at ALL by franchise's that have owners who hire idiots and people that cannot communicate with the customers?
Doesn't McDonalds have ANY QUALITY ASSURANCE or CUSTOMER INTERACTION STANDARDS?????????


This is not the first time I have had trouble at that store. Or the 3d. Or even the 20th.
Ever since it opened, that store has been run by staff that are just a chromosome shy of sentience. The managers are pleasant illiterates that are not aware of anything other than pictures on the keyboards and tend to drag their knuckles when they walk.

They move slowly at this McDonalds, no matter what time of day or how busy they are.
They hire people that slur their words and speak in half sentences to run the drive through windows.
The store keeps a level of service just under that offered by Turkish prisons.
There are smart cars smarter than these employees.
There are smartees CANDIES smarter than these employees.

This store could not pass gas let alone a full customer service and quality investigation.
I DARE corporate to send in undercover shoppers to focus on this place for just 10 days straight, 3 orders a day.
I guarantee you that ordering anything not EXPLICITLY PRINTED EXACTLY ON THE MENU will put the entire store into a tizzy of lack of concern and obtuse failure to comprehend on par with Custer heading into the Little Big Horn.
There are pet guinea pigs that could assist customers and generate more complete an accurate order delivery.
There are PLENTY of applicants for jobs that both speak English and walk and chew gum at the same time, yet this store finds it necessary to hire STUPID people.
I have had friends THROW food through the drive up windows over these kinds of misunderstandings. For YEARS.

So, in closing, dear McDonalds, you have a disfunctional store.
Probably more than one, but this one stands out head and shoulders above any other McDonalds I have ever been through, and I have been through almost every store in the greater bay area at one time or another during quests for Beenie Babies and Hot Wheels. There is no level of incompetence lower than this store, the McDonalds Midtown San Jose on Meridian at West San Carlos.
During these stressful times with such a low economy, taking the internal camera tapes of this and many other stupid moments and showing them on America's Funniest Videos would be a service to the world.
We need the laughter, and no one laughs harder than when they are laughing at incompetence.
This McDonalds could well herniate most of America with laughter.

Thank You,
A disgruntled but persistant customer.

Saying Goodbye Again... sigh

Friday, May 29th, 2009.
17 years. Thank you Jay.

Equality NOW

(reposted with permission).



The initial vote in California last November 8th, 2008, was a lie, a sham, and a farse. Voters in California are notorious for their liberal, well educated voting policies and views- when they are aware of an issue and believe it to be important.

Last year's Presidential elections were important. A nation's future hung in the balance, and we in California were no less worried that the incompetent lackluster leadership of the latter day "Know Nothing" party would drive the country past it's breaking point and leave millions on the streets and in 21st century Hoovervilles while the handful of ultra-hawks and their well paid, well trained parrots finished the rape and pillage of the American coffers, borrowing rather than taxing to pay for their own oil laden masturbatory fantasies and blaming it all on anyone who was not in power and could not defend themselves.

California was, and is, a bastion of tolerance, charity, purpose, liberty, and liberal thinking where most residents truly do not want to impose on their fellow Californian's so long as those same people don't impose upon them.
Californian's are also busy. We have lots to do, carrying the 6th largest economy on EARTH- not the US, but the EARTH, including the heart of the entertainment industry, the US wine industry, the US electronics industry and computer industry and hand held media industry and internet industry. We also contribute such varied things as Almonds, light oils, Non-industrial worked diamonds, and medical needles,catheters and parts. *
We work hard. We also play hard, and have always kept our eyes on the important issues, leading the country in reducing automobile emissions, enacting clean air and water policies, and protecting the environment.

Last November however, Californian's did not understand that a stealth movement by out of state religious zealot agitators had been afoot for months to fuel a religous earthquake with misinformation and midieval threats to a small but incredibly well organized group- the California Mormons. Their goal?
To take a minor proposition that every right thinking human in the state felt was a ridiculous pipe dream, and in the space of several weeks flood the state with messages designed to lead the weak minded to the ballot box with their brains full of mush and the fires of righteousness in their bellies.

While millions of us were working to elect the first Black President and bring some balance and a sense of intelligence back to the White House, the Mormon Church was using their TAX FREE status to influence politics in our state and deny our citizens their fair and equal rights under the guise of "separate but equal".
NO ONE in their right minds believes that separate ever means equal, from our schools in the south to medical access in the midwest to jobs to water fountains. There are haves-- and there are have nots.
We were focused on the needs to stop a war and save young American lives in Iraq instead of the machinations of a religious party who still allow their members to take multiple under age wives against their will and impregnate them in the name of God throughout the American South West.
Our historic California tolerance extended to the foibles and peculiarities of a religious cult that sprang up in the Eastern US a little over 200 years ago complete with it's own "bible" and a belief that God hates dancing and coffee. We thought they were no worse than any other sect- or, in the words of Douglas Adams, "mostly harmless".
Their mother church in the church-state of Utah however, abused the tax status of a church and violated states rights to decide their own fate and used their well attended churches to spread a noxious and vicious belief that marriage was in danger and that children would be defiled should we come to the rational, logical, reasonable, and FAIR decision to finally tear down the emotionally charged vocabulary barrier disallowing gay couples the same rights as everyone else.
It was with this comfortable belief that California was already tolerant and fair that we, the MAJORITY, the folks who do not believe in marrying TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRLS, focused on the larger issues and ignored that evil, fear soaked proposition buried on our ballots until it was too late to rally our numbers and awaken the sleeping voters to the threat towards our progressive and fair marriage rights and their march forward one hard fought victory after another.
We were, to put it sadly, asleep at the switch while the ballot box was being stuffed with lies and stretched truths, fright scenarios and defensive partisan religious fake facts.
I am not surprised that the Church of 'latter day saints' (um... no. Check with the Catholics on who is and isn't a 'Saint') got enough votes to pass this absurd twisted vote through.

With enough money and fear, in 6 months time I can convince the residents of any state in the nation to cut off their own genitals. They will do it to "save their children", to "protect and defend their country" to "stop the abominations" or to "defend their rights", but they will do it.
They will do it gladly, and they will do it as willingly as the residents of Oakland California were when they drank Kool Aid and committed suicide for the Reverend Jim Jones in Ghana, 1978, they will do it with as much surity as Yossele Schumacher's grandfather had when he kidnapped the small child from the childs parents to save his religious soul, with as much burning passion as McCarthy felt when he held the hearings on Un-American Activities, with as much damnation as the American public felt avenging the attack on Pearl Harbor, with as much blind determination as the entire inner Nazi circle had while enacting the 'final solution'.
Human nature loves to have an evil to hyper-focus on, and the religious zealots of nations throughout history have known this, and used it to their own advantage.
Sadly, the voters who DID vote for Prop 8 did not use any logic. What exactly will allowing gay couples to marry do to them?

Nothing. Not one damned thing.

There is no limit on the number of marriages that the state allows per year, so no one is going to be turned away from taking vows due to some quota being filled by happy gay couples.
Having gay people married doesn't change the quality of our air or fill up the car pool lanes any faster. Allowing our fellow Californians their RIGHT to do exactly what any one else can won't bring the wraith of God down on us- many of us not only don't believe in that God (or any God), but our *country* is built upon the belief that NO RELIGIOUS BELIEF shall over ride any other nor shall any one religion dictate the laws of the land to our citizens.
Married gay folks won't change the taste of the shrimp at Monterey Bay, won't make the sun go down any faster in the West, and won't matter a rats ass to anyone but those individual couples safe in their cocoons of love and harmony.
The religious fear mongers- and EVERY religion is full of fear mongers and those preaching hellfire and damnation to ANYONE that challenges their authority- cannot show any of us a single blessed thing that will change for the worse in recognizing marriage as a right of 2 people to enter into.
They cannot make 'unions' as legal as 'marriage', and they cannot show us proof positive that unions are not second class papers without all the legal and equitable rights that the national usage of 'marriage' instantly grants 2 people anywhere in the *world*.
Citizens of California are not demanding that anyone MUST allow marriages in their church-- that *is* for the church itself to decide, and should the righteous voters of our state continue to push the situation, I can see a time when we outlaw marriage itself, at least as a right of the church.

We can legislate that *ALL* unions must be performed at the County Clerks offices of each county to be legal and valid marriages, and whatever the individuals involved wish to do separately, without the blessings of the state, in their own churches before or afterward are their own business, but they will carry NO legal advantages or be acknowledged by any agency of the state.
Yes, you heard me right. You can get married at the clerks office, or you can have some elaborate affair at a church- but still be living in sin without the benefit of a marriage license unless you do it our way.
Yes, we CAN push that vote through.
We WILL make it right for ALL our citizens to share equally and justly in every facet of citizenship that we offer in this state.
Zealots be damned.

California Exports

Gay Rights NOW